What is it about ex’s that mean we immediately hand over all our power the moment they walk through the door. In spite of the fact that we have moved on, moved up, and are in better places, the presence of an ex somehow results in a crash right down to earth.

This year has been interesting with a few failed hook ups and crazy nights out that leave facebook abuzz with a rapid fire of tagging and untagging, but what has really been a prominent presence is the ex. Personally I have two ex’s that have a special place in my soul - special meaning I had an amazing connection, we had a wonderful relationship, I respected them dearly and then they took a knife and ripped out my heart.

I know – melodramatic much? Except – it is true, I can do casual, heartless and non committal; I can do it better than most. I am quick to walk out of someone’s life without stopping to say goodbye, but when I do commit it is a problem. I plan to infinity, picture grey hair and weekly bingo nights, commitment and marriage to me are one of the sacred pleasures in life.

So the issue is that when you break up, for whatever reason, even mutually, the future that you had mapped out is gone, and years later you still mourn the loss of that future – be it a wild weekend in Vegas or camping adventure in the Cedarburg – you had a future, with a partner and it went poof in a cloud of break up smoke.

The part I hate is that just when life is swimming along, you can count on an ex to sms, call, or walk through the door. It’s like rain on laundry day – guaranteed. What I really don’t understand is that when the ex makes contact, and believe me they always do, I become a wreck, and from the experience of watching my friends so do all of us.

Are we, in spite of our successes, so fragile in person that when facing contact with someone that has so definitely rejected us at our most exposed, are we with each loss a little less of a person than before? The answer is simple; I know this because this week I lifted up a friend that was facing an ex, and in that moment, I am certain she was more of a person for the experience not less.

Loss and longing from love, gives a deepness and authenticity to life, and in this world of labels and being seen simply to be seen, the nakedness that is exposed in such a confrontation is a welcome reality that we are human, we are fragile and emotions – no matter how we feel they betray us – show us not in our worst but in our best.

So um, ex’s, my number hasn’t changed – message me, so I can cry in public – chicks dig it